Infatuated With Who You Could Be

     by Soramimi Hanarejima

This brief but powerful study of eternally unrequited lust examines the antithesis of fulfillment. Join us where hope meets desire.

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I become all the more enamored with her whenever she shows up.

She is you taken to more logical, elegant conclusions, often smiling like we’ve all taken part in solving the hard problem of consciousness.

Today, I see her in the park and work up the nerve to ask her if I could get to know her and understand who she is outside the context of who you are. With a voice that exudes faith in humanity, she suggests we go to the opening of an art show downtown.

Several days later, she and I are in a swanky gallery, admiring the stunning psychoscape holograms on display, talking like old friends finally reunited. We’re having a grand time, until I catch a glimpse of the holographist—the star of this show.

The resemblance is unmistakable. It’s who she could be. You taken to more logical, elegant conclusions now augmented with artistic talent and enchanting sophistication. With convivial poise, the holographist speaks to the entourage of art aficionados semi-circled in front of her. She sports a pale glacial blue suit jacket, her scarf a lazy spiral of beach-glass blue around her neck.

Standing beside me, your better self notices that her better self has caught my attention.

Tilting her wine glass in the direction of the holographist, my evening companion says, “She’s something, isn’t she?’’

I nod vaguely as though in a trance.

“Now you know, there will be no end to this besides the end you put to it,’’ your better self tells me. “You must appreciate what you already have.’’

My gaze returns to her, and in her eyes is a quiet nostalgia I have seen in yours, a hint of detachment that indicates her mind’s eye is seeing this moment not as the present but as the past, as it will be after it’s all over.

So I take her words to be also a cue to savor her company tonight with greater intention. We may only meet again as hypotheticals to each other.

 

Fascinated by the ways in which fiction can serve as a means of metacognition, Soramimi Hanarejima crafts stories to explore the nature of thought. Soramimi is the author of the story collection, Visits to the Confabulatorium (Montag Press Collective), and works on information design projects that seek to visually communicate aspects of subjective experiences.